


A Fight in the War Room

by Tyrols



Category: The West Wing
Genre: Episode: s07e06 The Al Smith Dinner, F/M, Hurt/Comfort
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-06
Updated: 2021-03-05
Packaged: 2021-03-19 06:35:14
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 7,303
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29870622
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tyrols/pseuds/Tyrols
Summary: Josh and Donna's fight in "The Al Smith Dinner" isn't interrupted by Lou. Matt Santos eventually breaks it up, but things are far from over. Matt and Lou each have conversations with Josh and Donna about their relationship.
Relationships: Josh Lyman/Donna Moss
Comments: 6
Kudos: 57





	1. Josh

**Author's Note:**

> Chapter Title is the POV.

“Hi.” It’s all Josh could say when he sees her sitting on the bed. His mouth is suddenly very dry.

“Hi.” She stood and it took everything in him not to reach for her. After their disastrous interview, after the anger, the hurt, the unbelievable pain of missing her over these months, it all threatened to overwhelm him.

Lou cut through the initial tension with her usual brusqueness. “I don't know what the problem is between you two, but she's great on television and I don't care if she worked for Francisco Franco in the primary, right now it's all hands on deck. So work it out.” She forcefully pressed a folder into his hands before shutting the doors behind her.

Josh swallowed several times before his mouth would work again. He pretended to consider what was in the folder to buy himself a few seconds. “What kind of on-the-record experience do you have?”

Her eyebrows went up. “Is this a job interview?”

“I’m campaign manager, I hire the staff. It generally involves an interview. On-the-record experience?”

“Six hours ago, nationally televised press conference, Santos-McGarry campaign.”

“References if we want to pursue this?”

“Josh Lyman,” His chest constricted when she said his name. “Campaign manager, try the main switchboard.”

Looking at her, being in the same room with her again, it was so painful that he almost couldn't bear it. Josh knew covering it with anger was the only way he was going to be able to breathe. He pushed down everything else he was feeling and let wrath fill that void. “Did he tell you campaigns require loyalty; you don't go working for the other guy?” he chided her.

“Who happened to be the Party's front-runner,” she immediately shot back.

“You knew I wasn't supporting him; me, your mentor in professional politics!”

Donna sneered at him. “The guy who taught me to answer the phone, who kept me in grunt-level servitude because I knew he liked his hamburgers burnt like hockey pucks?”

“You ditched me when I gave you a career!” he countered; his voice going up a couple of octaves.

“As a short-order cook, I'm still waiting for the spatula to—“ Donna spat.

“To what, Donna?!” Josh was incredulous that she could possibly see this as his fault! She was the one who left. “How can you say that?! How can you just dismiss,” he waved his arm wildly, “all the work we did for eight years?” His voice was growing progressively louder, which he should have realized would draw attention, but in the moment, he wasn’t thinking about anything else except this.

Donna’s eyes narrowed. “All the work you did, you mean? I was just there to make sure you got to your meetings on time,” she shouted at him. Her tone was venomous.

Josh was in a blind rage now. “I gave you everything, Donna!”

Her eyes got wide and she threw her head back, laughing derisively. “Everything except having one lunch with me to talk about my future! You knew how much that meeting meant to me and you knew what I wanted to discuss! You think I couldn’t see what you were doing—“

“I was busy! It was the White House, in case you’ve forgotten!” Josh interrupted with a shout.

Donna scoffed contemptuously, her hands flung in the air. “Oh my God, Josh! You purposely put it off! And don’t even try to deny that!” She put up her hand to stop him as he opened his mouth to interrupt again. “You were hoping if you put it off long enough, I would just shut up and let it go!”

It was Josh’s turn to scoff now, not even noticing her eyes glistening with unshed tears. “As if you _EVER_ let anything go?!” Their volume had reached a crescendo. At that point Josh could not have spared even a single thought to the idea that their shouting match had drawn a crowd on the other side of the door.

“I spent my whole career letting things go, Josh! I was constantly letting things go to make you feel better! To my own detriment!” Tears were flowing freely down Donna’s cheeks now.

“What the hell is that supposed to mean?! I never asked you to do anything like that!”

“Of course you did!”

Josh nearly exploded. “Tell me you aren’t talking about Cliff! Tell me you aren’t trying to put that—”

Josh actually stopped when he saw the violence in her eyes. Perhaps he has off the mark there. He actually look a step back from her.

Her voice was dangerously low when she spoke again. Josh was sure he had never heard so much menace come from her before. “Of course, you would think this was about something like that.”

Not sure how to walk it back, he pushed forward. “Well, what the hell else could it be, Donna?”

“You are unbelievable!” she spat, rounding on him to make up the distance he had put between them a moment ago. “Who noticed the signs before you put your hand through a window?! Who went to Leo to get you help?! Who learned your breathing exercises so they could help you during a panic attack?” She didn’t wait for him to respond. “I did!” She jabbed her finger forcefully into her chest. “I did all those things long after everyone else thought Rosslyn was behind you! But what did you do for me?” This time she seemed to be really asking.

“I WENT TO GERMANY!” Josh bellowed. He honestly thought his brain was going to explode. It was like everything he thought he knew in the world was being torn apart.

“Yes, you did,” Donna acknowledged, in that same low, menacing voice as before. He could tell she was not being acquiescent though; she was full of fury. “And then you proceeded to push me away the second I got home! I was the soul survivor of a terrorist attack and you thought I was healed the day my cast came off! It was like you didn’t even see me!”

Josh’s mind seemed to clear for a second as he considered the implications of what Donna had told him. The moment of clarity was short lived though, because Donna was not yet finished.

“I guess coming to Germany cut into your efforts to jump back into bed with Amy! I’m sorry that a bombing interfered with your sex life!”

Josh’s rage was back. “Oh, but sleeping with the first journalist you saw on a CODEL was totally fine?! I flew halfway across the world to see some guy kissing you in a hospital room!” Josh flung his arms out as he ranted.

“You only cared about Colin, because it was something that had nothing to do with you! You wanted me under your thumb for the rest of my life, just like CJ said!”

Josh thought his brain may have short-circuited for a second. “ _CJ said what?!_ ”

Donna didn’t get chance to explain further, because, just then the doors to the bedroom, where they had been shouting for the better part of fifteen minutes, slammed open. Josh spun around as Matt Santos stood in the threshold.

“What the hell is going on in here?” His voice boomed.

Josh opened his mouth to speak, but Donna beat him to it. “Nothing, Congressmen. We’re done here.” She shot a scathing look at Josh before crossing to the door. As she reached him, she stopped. “I apologize for the disruption,” she told Matt before she pushed passed him through the threshold. Josh watched her disappear into the other room.

He almost jumped as the door to the hallway slam shut; the adrenaline that had sustained him through the fight was disappearing almost instantaneously. He barely registered the sound of Lou’s voice. “I’m going to kill him!” The door slammed a second time.

Josh could’t look at his boss.

“Back to work everyone,” Matt told the congregation around the door before Josh heard it click shut. He released a breath he hasn’t realized he was holding. Thinking he was alone now, he took a couple steps backward and dropped onto the bed. He pressed his fingers into his eyes until he saw spots.

“I don’t think blinding yourself is going to solve anything.” Josh looked up to see the Congressman standing over him.

“Congressman—Matt, I apologize for what just happened. It was very unprofessional. Donna and I...well... it’s complicated,” he finished lamely, shaking his head.

“Yeah, it sounds like it,” Matt said, taking a seat next to Josh. After a moment he took a deep breath and spoke again. “You know about the rumors, right?”

Without looking at him, Josh replied. “You’re going to have to be more specific. DC has more gossip than Page 6.”

Matt chuckled at that. “You aren’t wrong. There is one specifically that I was referring to, though,” he paused. “About Bartlet’s DCoS and his assistant.”

Josh didn’t even react; this was hardly the first time he had heard there were such rumors. “Yeah. Yeah, I’ve heard that. Nothing happened.” he responded with a tone that sounded too much like regret.

“Josh, I’m not calling you a liar, but what I and several other staffers overheard, did not sound like ‘nothing.’” Matt pressed. “The rumors weren’t _only_ that you were sleeping together, though.”

Josh finally looked over at his boss. “What are you talking about?”

Matt sighed. “Well, apparently being a married man doesn’t mean much in this town. My first week on the Hill, a few others from the caucus were giving me a lay of the land, of the West Wing in particular. Going over the facebook, you know, and when they got to you, they told me,” he paused, clearly uncomfortable, ”Well, they told me if I didn’t want to get on your bad side, which they warned me I did not, that I needed to stay away from the leggy blonde in your office.”

“Who said that?!” Josh spat as he jumped up. “Tell me who it was?” He could not believe someone on the Hill was talking like that about Donna. He could feel the heat in his cheeks burn as the rage returned. “Was it Chris Wick? I will destroy that bastard,” he said through gritted teeth. Josh’s hands were balled into tight fists and he knew he was wound way too tight.

“It wasn’t Chris Wick,” Matt replied with a sound of suppressed laughter in his voice. “It doesn’t matter who said it that time, because I heard it more than once and I even parroted the advice to other Freshman after me.” Josh could feel Matt’s eyes on him. “Look, I know you said nothing happened. And I believe you. Nothing physical happened. But…from what I heard, the rumors about you going AWOL during a national crisis were also true.”

“She’d been blown up!” Josh thundered, instantly defensive. The feeling was only momentary, however. Fatigue of the campaign, the fight with Donna, everything was finally catching up to him and his whole body felt like it was made of lead. He dropped back down on to the edge of the bed next to Matt.

They sat in silence for a few moments. “Yeah, I remember. It was a tragedy for all involved. But I have tell you, that if it had been Ronna—who you know I adore—I can’t say that I would have taken the first plane out of Dulles to Germany, with only the clothes on my back, to sit at her bedside.”


	2. Lou

“Donna! Donna, wait!” Lou called, running down the hall of the hotel after the tall blonde.

Donna stopped her power walking, but did not turn to face Lou. She reached out and took Donna’s arm and steered her towards a door not far behind them. “Come in my room and let’s talk,” she said. She wasn’t great at the feelings game, but this campaign needed competent people and she could not afford for Josh scare away the few they had left.

“I can’t work with him, Lou. I’m sorry. Too much has happened.” Donna said, her voice breaking as the door to the Lou’s hotel room closed behind them.

“Josh is an idiot. Everyone knows that. We need you on this campaign.” Lou pleaded. She took a couple deep breaths. “I’m so pissed at him I could scream,” she spat as she threw herself down on the bed.

“I’m sorry about this; I want to work on this campaign, but Josh…” Donna trailed off and sat down on the edge of the bed next to Lou.

“Don’t let him take this from you, Donna. You worked for him for how long? I can’t imagine that was easy on a good day. Not that I think Josh Lyman has a lot of good days.”

In spite of herself, Donna chuckled at that and gave Lou a sad smile. “You have no idea. He can be impossible, but…it was also some of the best years of my life,” she said, looking away with a sniff.

Lou couldn’t believe Josh Lyman gave anyone the best years of their life, but this girl was obviously hurting. She remembered when Josh confronted her about hiring Donna; he was angry, but it was more than that. He seemed to be a great deal of pain too. “Donna,” Lou breathed. She needed to fix this for the sake of the campaign, “What happened? I mean, Josh about took my head off when he found out I hired you. No one, not even Josh Lyman, acts like that over a simple falling out.”

Donna gave a sardonic laugh, “I’m not surprised. After he refused to hire me, you go and do it without telling him. I’m shocked you lived to tell me about it, to be honest. The anger I saw in his eyes today… he think it’s all my fault and I _hate_ him for that.” Lou could hear the bitterness in her voice, but she didn’t say anything. She wanted Donna to keep going.

She stood up and started pacing in front of Lou, not unlike she had seen Josh do when he was upset. “I left a job and he sees it as me leaving _him_.That’s all he can see. He refuses to accept there was anything else leading up to that, that he played any part at all in it!” She stopped her pacing for a moment as if to consider what she was saying. ”Six lunches he canceled! Six!” she shouted as she started pacing again. “I’d been his assistant for eight years and I wanted more. He knew that and he couldn’t give me the time of day! He’s always been monomaniacal and hyper-fixated, that’s who is and how he works, but I have never seen him be more selfish that this!” She scoffed derisively. “And for him to blame me!”

Donna let out a growl of frustration and sat back down on the bed. Lou watched her seethe and thought she had only made Donna more angry and still understood very little about the issue between her and Josh.

“So, you quit your job after eight years? That’s it?” Lou was fishing for more of the story she knew was there.

“Yes.”

“You and Josh are so mad at each other because you quit your job?”

Donna fidgeted a bit on the bed next her and she knew she was starting to get somewhere. “Yes,” Donna answered though with much less conviction.

Lou took a deep breath. “Donna, I’ll be the first to admit I’m not great at the whole deep conversations about feelings thing, but even I can tell that is a bunch of bullshit.” When Donna didn’t even react to being called out, Lou knew she was on the right track. “Now, I don’t want to be asking this anymore than you want me to ask it, but did you and Josh… did you have a thing?”

“I was his assistant,” Donna said. The way she said it told Lou it was a line she has used more than once, so clearly this kind of questioning was not new to her.

“That’s not what I asked.”

“We never slept together.”

“That doesn’t mean there wasn’t a thing,” Lou said.

“It wasn’t a thing. Trust me, it was never a thing. I may have wa—” Donna stopped herself.

“You may have what?” Even just sitting next to her, Lou could tell how tense she had gotten. She was just getting even more pissed at Josh because he couldn’t handle his own business and now she had too. “Donna, you may have what?”

“Lou, let’s not do this,” Donna said, almost pleading.

That’s when she knew it was time to end this. “No offense, but I think that ship has sailed. I may have walked in on the tail end, but nearly half the staff, including the Congressman, heard you and Josh having a screaming match in the war room. This is not just going to go away. You and Josh may think you can play nice or that you can just leave, but people are going to be talking. And when they are talking, that means they are not going to be working. If the staff isn’t working, we might as well all go home now and hand the victory to Vinick on a silver platter. Is that what you want?” Her tone may have come out harsher than she intended it to, but she wanted Donna to understand that she couldn’t just sweep this under the rug.

“You know I don’t,” Donna replied, sounding exhausted.

“Well, then how do we find a way for everyone to move on? Because, I can promise that you leaving is not going to do anyone any favors, least of all you and Josh. And after you’re gone, some of us are still going to have to work with him! So, have pity on me, please!”

Donna and Lou both laughed and Lou hoped this meant they were finally getting somewhere.


	3. Matt

“I know when you fired Amy Gardner, I told you that I didn’t care about your love life. And that is still true, but, once again it seems to have infiltrated my campaign, so I guess I’m involved now.”

“Congressman, really, this is not—-also, I didn’t fire Amy because she was my ex-girlfriend.” Josh protested.

“Is it true you’re the reason she forcibly resigned from the WLC?”

“She was trying to sabotage that Welfare-Reauthorization Bill. It wasn’t personal; it’s was politics. She knew that.”

“Were you dating her at the time?”

Josh pointedly looked away from Matt before he answered. “Yes,” he said sheepishly.

Matt raised his eyebrows and felt a twinge of fear thinking about what Helen would do if they had been in such a situation. “So, you got your girlfriend fired?”

“Well, that wasn’t my intention. She knew what she was doing when she went up against me. Plus, she put my cell phone in stew!”

Matt suppressed laughter at the last part, but he forced himself to stay in control. He knew he was going to have to lay this out very simply for his campaign manager and it had to be done right. “Were you still dating Amy when Gaza happened?” He was sure he knew the answer to do this, but asking leading questions he thought was the best way to get Josh to open up.

Josh turned to look at him, his brow furrowed. “No, but why would that matter?”

“Well, I just wondered how the girlfriend who you got fired felt about you flying 4,000 miles at the drop of hat for your assistant?”

“She wasn’t my girlfriend any longer, so I don’t think she gave it much thought.” Josh commented, dryly.

“I somehow doubt that,” Matt quipped.

“What does that mean?” Josh asked aggressively.

Matt tried to shrug. “Well, naturally, I knew Amy a bit while I was in Congress. She just seems like a person who would care about something like that.”

“Something like what?”

“Like her boyfriend being in love with someone else.”

Matt could see how tense Josh got, which was a surprise. Matt didn’t think he could have gotten more tense. “Like I said, she wasn’t my girlfriend then,” Josh replied.

“Right, but Donna was your assistant while you were going out with Amy, right?” Matt decided not to point out at the moment that Josh had not denied being in love with someone else.

Josh jumped up from the bed again and started pacing, as Matt had seen him do many times. “I told you nothing happened between me and Donna.”

Matt looked up at his campaign manager and watched him walk back and forth along the length of the bed. “Did you have to tell Amy that?”

Josh stopped pacing in front of Matt before he answered. “Sure I did. I told her tons of times,” he said emphatically, as if this statement proved his point.

“Did you have to deny it a lot to people? The fact that you weren’t dating Donna?”

“Yes, all the time!” Josh gesturing wildly with his arms. “Even when Leo sent me to see Amy about the UN treaty, I hadn’t even seen her since law school. It was, like, the first thing she asked me.” Josh shook his head in disbelief.

“Why do you think you always had to tell her that? Did she ask often?” Matt cocked his head and tried to keep the smile off his face.

“I don’t know! Why are we even talking about Amy? I thought you were in here because of my fight with Donna.”

Matt couldn’t help but give Josh a pitying expression. “I am. Let’s talk about Donna then.”

“Let’s not,” Josh said, sitting back down on the bed and putting his face in his hands.

“She seemed pretty upset when she ran out of here.”

“Yeah, even though I’m the one who should be upset.”

“She did something?” Matt asked, pretending he hadn’t overheard most of their fight.

Josh scoffed and looked at Matt suspiciously. “She left me! She ditched me!”

“I thought you said you didn’t have a thing?”

“We didn’t! I meant—I meant she quit! She quit on me again!”

“So, she quit her job as your assistant?”

“Yes.”

“This has happened before? You said, ‘again.’”

“Yeah,” Josh said, though his voice was softer now. “It was during the campaign.”

“Bartlet’s re-election?”

“No, the original campaign.”

“The ’98 campaign? You’re still mad because she quit eight years ago?”

“I’m not still mad,” Josh quipped unconvincingly. “She came back three weeks later. Damn Dr. Free Ride,” he mumbled the last part under his breath.

“What was that? Who’s Dr. Free Ride?” Every time Matt thought he had an understanding of Josh and Donna’s relationship, a curve ball came out of left field. He may have gotten in way over his head when he sat down to talk to Josh about this.

Josh’s expression darkened. “Oh, Dr. Free Ride is Donna’s loser ex-boyfriend from Madison.” The dislike in Josh’s voice was clear. “He convinced her to drop of out of college when she was 20 so that she could support him while he finished is medical residency. He’s the original gomer!” Josh shook his head. “And she left me to go back to him. Can you believe that?” Josh gave Matt and incredulous look before going on. “And then, if he wasn’t already bad enough, after he begged for her to come back, she was in a car accident and he stopped on the way to the hospital for a beer. A BEER! While Donna was in the hospital he stopped for a beer.”

“Wow, that’s a real loser,” Matt agreed.

“I really hate that guy,” Josh said through gritted teeth. He seemed to staring at nothing.

“Well, you definitely showed him what to do when Donna’s in the hospital, I guess.” That seemed to bring Josh back to reality. He now stared at the floor as he ran his hands aggressively though his hair.

“It’s nothing Donna didn’t do for me after… you know.” Josh unconsciously touched his chest.

“She was at the hospital after Rosslyn?” Matt had, of course, known that Josh had been badly injured during the shooting, but it wasn’t anything he ever talked about.

Josh gave out a light chuckle which surprised Matt. “At the hospital, at my apartment… She practically moved in with me for three months while I was recovering.” He sounded wistful for a moment. “She dealt with everything.” He laughed again, “She had all these rules that made everyone at work crazy, especially Toby. She even made the President follow them. All about who and when people could call or visit, what work stuff they were allowed to discuss, just to make sure I never got stressed out. I was so bored and I drove her crazy talking about theoretical physics and being an outdoorsman…” he trailed off as he laughed again.

“An outdoorsman? Really?” Matt raised his eyebrows. “No offense, but I don’t really see that.” Matt didn’t know that he had ever even see Josh eat something that grew outdoors, let alone commune with nature.

Josh smiled. “Yeah, Donna didn’t either.”


	4. Donna

“What do you want me to do? Like you said, half the staff heard us fighting. Plus, he’s the campaign manager. What makes you think he’s going to keep me on?” Donna really didn’t understand why Lou was pushing so hard. Was it just to stick it to Josh? As far as she knew, Lou hated Josh as much as anyone. In fact, she was shocked to hear Lou had joined on with him. They had never been able to work together before.

“Well, Josh can’t fire you, even if he wanted to, though I don’t think he does.” Donna scoffed, but didn’t say anything. “When Josh _begged_ me to sign on to this campaign I told him no at first, until I spoke with the Congressman. Santos and I made a deal that I reported directly to him, _not_ Josh. I even had a chart drawn up, with arrows, just to make sure it was clear.” Lou had smug smile on her face that Donna couldn’t help but laugh at. Things were starting to make sense now.

“So, what you’re saying is, because I work for you, I technically don’t work for Josh?”

Lou’s smile got even bigger. “That’s what I am saying. So, he can’t fire you.”

“I’m impervious to being fired by Josh Lyman, anyways.” She laughed at Lou’s confused expression. “Nevermind,” she shook her head sadly.

“What I am saying is, I think you should stay. You’re great on camera and you did awesome stuff for the Russell campaign. I never would have known you didn’t have press experience if you hadn’t told me.”

Despite everything else she has feeling, Donna felt her heart swell with pride at hearing that from a campaign juggernaut like Lou. “That means a lot, but isn’t that a problem? Josh said it made me a liability to this campaign. He was a real ass about it too and then tried to guilt me, by saying, ‘If you think I don’t miss you everyday…’ Why the hell would say that after he just humiliated me and used my words against me? Just to be hurtful!”

“I have tried to tell you he’s an idiot,” Lou said, though Donna thought something in her voice had slightly less contempt for Josh than usual. “He really said that in your interview?”

“Yeah! He read the lines I said about Santos off a sheet of paper, like he had them there just for this very occasion. He knows no one cares about what happens in the primaries once the general hits.” Donna remember Josh opening his drawer and pulling the folder out. He had been prepared. She felt nauseous thinking about it again.

“I meant what he said about missing you,” Lou interrupted Donna’s thoughts.

“Oh. Yeah, his way of pouring more salt in the wound, I guess.”

Lou shrugged, “I guess…” Her voice told Donna she didn’t actually believe that.

“What are you trying to say?” Was this woman who had been Josh’s nemesis in DC for years about to defend him? Donna was already angry at whatever she was about to hear.

“I don’t know, Donna,” Lou started. She seemed uncomfortable, or more uncomfortable than before. “I have known Josh a long time. Or more like I have hated him for a long time. He can be a real bastard on a campaign. He makes stupid decisions and he can be rash, especially when he hasn’t slept, which is always on the campaign trail, but—” she stopped and took a breath as if she couldn’t believe what she was about to say. “I have never known him to purposely try to hurt someone for no reason. Political gain, absolutely! But just to hurt someone; that’s not Josh.”

Donna could see Lou watching her out of the corner of her eye and she did not want to turn to face her. She felt her eyes burning again and knew it was only a matter of time before the tears returned. When Donna didn’t say anything for a few minutes, Lou went on.

“I don’t think he meant to hurt you when he said that. I think he couldn’t help himself.” She took a breath. “Josh has been… more _Josh_ than usual on this campaign. I couldn’t figure out why, but some things are starting to make sense now.”

“Like what?” Donna whispered through the lump in her throat.

Lou exhaled loudly. “Like he was so miserable to everyone because he had a broken hear—”

“Don’t,” Donna interrupted. “Please, don’t.”

“Donna—”

“Lou, I can’t… I can’t even start to think—” Donna was standing again. She needed to get out that room. She had worked to hard to get to this point, to live with the things that were never said aloud. “I need some air,” she said, feeling her chest tightening.

Without another word to Lou, she threw open the hotel room door and took off down the hall towards the stairs, her breathing becoming more and more labored as the tears rolled over her cheeks.

She was outside on a deserted patio. There were tables out, but no guests, as it was actually quite chilly after the sun set. Thanking God she was alone, she dropped down on to a bench that lined the area and let herself cry.

“Donna,” a small voice said and Donna’s heart sank even further. She tried to compose herself, but she was too far gone. After the interview, after the fight with Josh, the talk with Lou, she did not have to strength to make it stop. Face in her hands, she heard his footsteps approach. He sat down next to her and she felt him gently rubbing her back, which did nothing to eb the flow of her tears. She hated that he could do this to her, she hated him. Except she didn’t hate him. She never could.

“Donna,” he said again. What did he want? He wasn’t apologizing, so what did he want? Why was he comforting her when he was the reason she was crying in the first place.

“I just needed some air,” she sobbed.

“Yeah, that’s what I was looking for too,” he sighed, still rubbing circles on her back. They stayed like that for several minutes, the only sound of his breathing and her crying.

Finally he spoke again. “How did we get like this?” When Donna didn’t respond he replied, “I’m kind of getting the idea that it is my fault.”

Donna couldn’t help but laugh.

“I guess that means you agree with that assessment?” He asked and she could tell by his voice that he was smiling. He continued to stroke her back, even though she had gained control of her crying and was now wiping her eyes, knowing nothing was going to keep them from being puffy and red.

He went on, “You know, the Congressman doesn’t think I’d make a good outdoorsman.”

“Anyone who’s met you for five minutes would say that.” She had pulled her hands away from her face, but still couldn’t bring herself to look at him.

“I could be an outdoorsman,” he said, clearly trying to sound smug.

Unable to help herself, she looked over at him, he was smiling at her and his dimples we’re in full view. It made her stomach flip and she knew looking him was a bad idea. “Josh, you can’t even eat salad without saying it tastes like the ground.”

“It does! That’s an important lesson I learned from Toby.”

“I would advise you not to take too much advice from Toby; he eats like a teenager. And how many times have you actually eaten salad?” she said, smiling in spite of herself. Why couldn’t it always be this easy with him?

“CJ made me eat it when she bet me I couldn’t go a whole week without junk food.” Right after Leo’s heart attack Donna remembered, but didn’t say it. No point in putting more painful memories between them tonight.

“You lost that bet, if I remember,” she added. “CJ didn’t have to cook for you.” She smiled at him again, but she saw his expression had changed. He looked over at her and she could see the sadness there.

“Did CJ really tell you that I wanted to keep you under my thumb forever?” In that moment he looked more vulnerable than she had seem him in a long time.

“Josh, we were fighting and I shouldn’t’ve said that.” It was painful to keep looking at him and she had to turn away. She realized her had stopped rubbing her back, but his hand was still resting there.

“But you did. Did she say that?”

“Maybe not in those exact words…” she said, trying to cover. She really did not have the strength to fight with him again.

“What words did she use?” Donna could tell by his tone that he was not going to drop this. She felt guilty for a moment thinking she was betraying CJ, but if CJ was here, she was pretty sure she would have said it to his face.

Donna took a deep breath to ready herself for whatever reaction he was going to give. “She said that you sold me a bill of goods. She took a breath before continuing, and she said, ‘if he was really giving you every opportunity he could, you would have grown out of this job 3 years ago.’”

There was silence for a moment. “When did she say that to you?” Josh whispered.

“During the crash after the Corespondents Dinner.” Donna willed herself to not, but she couldn’t help but look over at him. She knew she shouldn’t feel guilty, but her brain and her heart always had a problem being on the same page when Josh Lyman was involved. He was looking straight ahead, but she could tell his thought were far away. She forced herself to look away.

“Right before Gaza,” Josh said so quietly Donna barely heard him.

“Yes,” she said just as quietly.


	5. Josh

Josh didn’t think his heart could hurt more, but it did. He had never intentionally held Donna back from anything, but if he was being truly honest with himself, he never encouraged much either. He really did try to give her whatever he could within their positions, but he, and apparently everyone else, knew that was sorely limited. He put his head in his hands, pressing the palms into his eyes.

“Josh,” Donna said in a voice so low, it was enough to break him though. He threw his arms around her and pulled her to him, burying his face in the crook of her neck and let the tears that he’d been fighting back for hours, or perhaps even days or weeks, fall.

“Josh,” she said again, but this time stronger. It was full of concern and it only made him hold her tighter. “Donna,” his voice broke as he pressed his face into hair. “What happened in Gaza...in Germany… those were the worst moments of my life. I know it sound insane, because you were the one who was hurt—” A small sob interrupted him.

She put her arms around his middle, rubbing his back as he had rubbed hers. Josh wasn’t sure how long they stayed like that, but it was long enough for him to have cried himself out. He pulled away tentatively from Donna and suddenly felt a wetness on the front of his shirt, which told him Donna had been crying too.

“It doesn’t sound insane,” she whispered. “Not to me…”

His arms still around her, their faces were only inches apart and he could see the fresh tear tracks on her cheeks. “I was out of my mind. And then you kicked me out… and I had to go to Camp David and pretend I was fine, but I was not fine! How could I be fine with an ocean and a continent between us? It was just too much…” He let his words trail off.

“I hated every second you were gone,” she breathed.

He could feel her breath on his cheek and despite it’s warmth, he felt goosebumps forming on his skin.

“Donna, I’m so sorry. About everything. I never—I—I mean, my intention…” He couldn’t find the right words. She watched him tentatively as he tried to compose himself. “I was so afraid to lose you,” he croaked. “And that was so selfish, I know. I was so afraid that working together was the only way we could have any sort of relationship.” He scoffed. “That sounds so stupid when I say it out loud.” Donna smiled at that and nodded her head silently.

“I’m so sorry I wasn’t there for you more after Gaza. I thought you wanted space, and I thought…well, I thought you had Colin and I didn’t want to interfere,” he said sheepishly.

Donna’s eyebrows when up at that. “When have you ever _not_ interfered with my dating life?” She gave him a smirk.

“I guess that’s a fair point. I don’t know, I just… at the hospital… I don’t know, I had certain expectations after that. But then I got scared and… stupid.”

“I had expectations too,” Donna breathed. “And maybe I got a bit scared and stupid—I mean, not as stupid as you, of course,” she added with a mischievous grin.

“Of course,” Josh acquiesced and his lips quirked to return her smile.

After a moment though, Donna let the smile fall from her face and Josh’s heart dropped into his stomach. “I wanted to be more than your assistance, both inside and outside of the White House.” She paused to look up at him for a second before looking away again. “And when it looked like neither of those things were going to happen, I just… I had to go. After you had canceled all those lunches, I was so… I don’t know…I didn’t think I could explain it anymore, so I just didn’t. And I’m sorry for that.”

Josh let out a resigned sigh. “If I had just told you in Germany…” Josh started. He pressed his forehead to hers. “I wanted to… I was going to, but then…” He felt his stomach twist into knots as he tried to get the words out.

“Colin showed up,” Donna finished for him.

“Yeah,” he swallowed hard. “He called me out. He knew I wasn’t there just because we worked together.” He stood up then and started pacing in front of the bench, his a tightness in his chest that was making it hard to breathe. “God, those were the worst days of my life and I still couldn’t say it!” said, exasperated. He couldn’t bring himself to look at her.

“Say what?” Out of the corner of his eye he could see that she was looking him expectantly.

He stopped suddenly pacing at her words, but still couldn’t meet her eye. He felt his hands close in to fists as the frustration took over. “This is not how I wanted it to be,” he told her. “Not after a fight, not after spending the last six months not speaking,” he paused and his chest tightened even more. “I wanted it to be different…”

“Josh, what are you—”

He finally forced himself to meet her gaze. The moment their eyes met, all resistance drained out of him. “I’m in love with you!” The words tumbled out of his mouth without any further thought. “I’m so in love with you that sometimes I can’t even think straight. And, of all the times I have imagined this moment, this was never—how we are now—was never a part of it. But I just can’t keep it inside anymore. I just can’t.”

He kept his eyes on hers, letting the implications of this secret he had carried with him for far too many years hang between them. They stayed like that, him standing, her still sitting on the bench, looking up at him, for several agonizing minutes. Josh tried to read her face, but whatever has going on in her head was hidden from him.

“Donna…” he whispered, not able to tolerate the silence any longer.

She didn’t say anything. Instead she stood up and before he was able to reconcile what was happening, her lips were pressed against his. Luckily, even if his mind was still trying to catch up, his body reacted on instinct. He threw his arms around her waist, pulling her tight against him, as he parted his lips to deepen the kiss without hesitation.

Time all but stopped for Josh; nothing else seemed to exist except for him and Donna. Only when Donna pulled away, breathing heavily, did the deserted hotel patio, the campaign, and the real world return to his mind.

“I love you, too” she breathed, still only inches from him.

The words had barely left her lips before he was kissing her again. If they hadn’t been holding on to each other has desperately as they were, Josh wasn’t sure he could have remained upright. He felt lightheaded as he heard her voice in his mind over and over, _I love you, too._

As their kiss intensified, he, once again, lost himself in it completely.


	6. Matt

“I knew he had it in him,” Matt beamed. Whatever he said about not caring about Josh’s love life, he couldn’t help but be happy for his campaign manager.

“Well, I didn’t.” Lou declared, standing next to him as they looked out on a nearly empty patio. “He’s still an idiot.”

Matt smirked at her. “Hey, you might actually like this Josh Lyman.”

She shook her head. “That’s doubtful. But I supposed he couldn’t possibly be any worse. And if this means we get to keep Donna on, then well…” she sighed, “I’ll do my best to best supportive. For the good of the campaign.”

“Of course. For the good of the campaign,” he snickered. “Always the consummate professional, aren’t you, Lou?”

“It works for me, sir,” she returned his smirk. “But now that you mention professionalism, I should probably make sure my chart is still around here somewhere. You know, in case this new development causes him to forget some things. I’m concerned about blood flow to his brain.”

At her words, Matt roared with raucous laughter and he was surprised to see that Lou was too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was fun. Thanks for reading!


End file.
